Good one there. [img]biggrin.gif[/img] Can we post risque jokes too? [img]tongue.gif[/img]
Sometimes It's Not Good To Brag
Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and
the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men
started talking and bragging about their sons. The first man told the
others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a
friend a new home for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a
multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new
Mercedes, fully loaded."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a
stockbroker, and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire
portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care
of business. The first man mentioned, "We are just talking about our sons.
How is yours doing?
The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and go-go dances in a gay
bar."
The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled
about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends
gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio."
Good one there. [img]biggrin.gif[/img] Can we post risque jokes too? [img]tongue.gif[/img]
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Sure why not? They're not as blatant as a picture.Originally posted by Tr3s:
Good one there. [img]biggrin.gif[/img] Can we post risque jokes too? [img]tongue.gif[/img]
A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp
partially
buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde
genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The
guy
makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom in a mansion,
surrounded
by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to
explore
the house.
Suddenly he f eels something soft under his feet; he looks down and the
floor
is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it, and standing there
are
two
persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the
nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb, and hang him by the neck until
he's
dead.
The Klansmen walk off. As they're walking away, they remove their
hoods;
it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other, "You
know, I
can understand the first wish about having all these beautiful women in
a
big mansion to make love to. And I can also understand him wanting to
be
a
millionaire. But jeez ... why he wanted to be hung like a black man is
way
beyond me."
Someone mailed me this today.
How I Got Out Of Work Yesterday.
me: I won't be in to work today.
boss: Why not?
me: I have Anal Glaucoma.
boss: What's Anal Glaucoma?
me: It means I can't see my ass coming in to work.
Hahahaaahaa.... oh man GD, that one is classic!!!!
Try this one out.
Two guys are driving through the country side and their car runs out of gas. They really don't know the area that well so they decide that one will go east on the road and look for a gas station, and the other will go west, and the'll come back to the car by dusk and get back on their way.
The first guy finds a farm a few miles down the road. He knocks on the door and a beautiful farm girl answers the door. He explains that his car ran out of gas and he'd like to borrow some.
They go out to the barn and she gives him a full gas can.
"How can I repay you?" he says.
"Mmmm..." she says and pulls him into a pile of hay where the two of them rip their clothes off and go at it furiously.
Exhausted and seeing that it's nearing dusk, the guy thanks her again and goes back to the car.
He gets there and shares his farmer-girl story with his friend.
"You too???" the friend says. "I had a wild sexual experience too!!! I was walking down the road and got to some railroad tracks. There I found a woman who had been tied up and left on the tracks!"
"Holy shit! What did you do?"
"Well, I untied her and had the best sex I've ever had!!"
"She give head?"
"Head? I couldn't find her head... but it was fantastic sex anyways!"
[img]biggrin.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]
<font color="#cd6600" size="1">[ April 30, 2004 10:05 AM: Message edited by: Baimun ]</font>
LOL!
these two hillbillies are walking towards eaach other on a lonely dirt road. one is carrying a large burlap sack over his shoulder. they meet and the 1st one says:
"whatcha got in that there sack, Clem?".
"I gots me some chickens" Clem replies.
"if'n I guess how many, c'n I have one?"
"hell, if ya guess how many, you can have 'em both!"
[img]tongue.gif[/img]
ive got one...but its reeeeeaaaaaly tasteless...2 even.
Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician. The magician was standing at the top of a slide. The magician than said, ''You may each go down the slide, asking for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide you shall land a a huge glass of that drink.
The first man went down yelling, ''Beerrr!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of beer.
The second guy went down the slide yelling,''lemonadeee!!!'' Plop! He landed in a glass of lemonade.
The third guy went down the slide yelling ''wheeeeeeeee!!!'''
____________________________________________
I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69.
And she said, ?No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.?
____________________________________________
Did you hear about the giant with diarrhea?
You didn't?! It's all over town!
____________________________________________
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, 'Did you hear that Fluffy died?' The guy stammers and says, 'Um...no...um...what happened?'. The neighbor replies, 'We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!'
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